my life as a see-saw

i say that because everything in my life runs the full spectrum from one day to the next: mental "place," weight, energy, happiness, hunger, motivation... you name it. one week i'm *that* chick; hitting the gym each day, eating healthier, trying to earn some extra funds (through tutoring...which is generating enough fodder for an entirely different blog) and generally ok with myself. the next week i'm that *other* chick; wallowing in self-pity on the couch with a pan of brownies, my bills and my style network, wondering if this is all there is.

well, this week i'm *that* chick... which basically means i've been pushing myself probably a little too much (as an aside... having a protein shake and a bag of vegetables for dinner? not a good idea... just trust me, k?) i *do* feel better, albeit in the form of barely being able to climb stairs without physically groaning and having to lay the toothbrush on the counter and move my head back and forth to brush my teeth i'm in so much pain from weight training, but it's all good. (i keep telling myself, 'that's a good pain') ...right.

i must admit that i have been feeling on the overwhelmed side... i started tutoring a bit to make a few extra bucks (because there's always a need for those) and have been slammed with a tutoring schedule that eats into my personal time. i keep telling myself 'it's over soon, it's over soon,' but i'm kind of wishing for a few hours to myself.

p has been a trooper in trying to get the house back together. (pictures to follow) what started off as a simple 'oh we'll just paint and change the hardware and maybe the countertops' has turned into, well, more of a 'wait, where did we pack the forks' and 'just use the measuring cups as a glass until we can find the box' kind of project. i think i've actually gone beyond the 'overwhelmed amy' stage on this one and have learned to accept it for what it is....a mess that i can't do anything about at the moment.

i haven't been a great help (see tutoring above) but feel perhaps that best thing i can do when projects get more difficult is to walk away and shut up... i'm an inherent micromanager when it comes to stuff like this and we all know how that goes over :)

on another note, i'm finding more and more that i lack willpower (which i believe, may not actually exist). willpower: there has got to be a better way when the main reasoning for letting myself get a cookie at lunch is 'well, wonder if i get hit by a bus on the home... i'll never get to eat a cookie again.' what in the h-e-double hockey sticks is that anyway? am i just mental or do others feel that way?

oh well, i'm in a good place today... good pain, my nails are painted, i'm finally able to wear my comfy (although wrinkly) linen pants for the first time this year... and i even shaved my legs this morning. what a concept! :)